Why Every 'No' Moves You Closer to the Life You Want.

"The more you hear 'no', the closer you get to the life you've always wanted."

I’ve faced rejection more times than I can count. Thousands of outreach attempts. Hundreds of proposals. Dozens of interviews. And it took me far too long to land my first client.

Rejection hurts. And we start to feel it deeply as the pile of rejections grows bigger and bigger in our memories. The root of “I’m not good enough” sinks deeper into our subconscious, and we begin to think it means something about us. We don’t realize that’s where the real pain lies.

But rejection isn’t the end road. In fact, it’s one of the greatest sources of energy for growth. Rejection itself isn’t the problem. The real issue is the story we tell ourselves about it. We get rejected, then we have a choice: we can let it hold us back, or we can see it as a lesson in disguise.

One book that really shifted my perspective is The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz. Every time I read it, I gain new insights. What really resonated with me is the idea that rejection isn’t failure—it’s part of the journey. It’s fuel for the next step. And that’s what I want to share with you.

It’s not about what we do when rejection happens—it’s about what we don’t do to ourselves. Here are four things we do not do to ourselves when dealing with rejection—and most things in life:

1. Don’t Take It Personally
   They didn’t reject us—they rejected our work, our proposal, our pitch. The problem isn’t us; it’s the outcome. Our work can always improve, but we don’t have to carry the emotional weight of rejection. Separate our identity from the results. Don’t internalize it. One "no" or even a lot of "nos" doesn’t define us.

2. Don’t Assume
   It’s easy to assume why something didn’t work. "They don’t like my proposal because my writing isn’t good" or "I don’t get the job because they don’t like me." But that’s just guesswork. Ask for feedback. Be specific. We must find out exactly what didn’t work and use that to improve. It’s like reviewing the playbook to better understand the game.

3. Don’t Compare Ourselves to Others
   It’s tempting to look at someone else’s success and think, “Why not me?” But we don’t see their years of struggle, failures, and sacrifices. Instead of comparing, ask ourselves: What can I learn from their journey? What did they do differently? Ask them about their story. If you ask, they’ll likely be happy to share.

4. Don’t Suppress Our Emotions
   Rejection stings. Let it. Don’t brush it off or ignore it. Embrace the emotion, but don’t let it consume us. That sting? It’s our rocket fuel. Feel it, let it pass, then get back to work.

So, what do you do?

First, go for a long walk. When faced with rejection, we can do nothing. The emotion grows so big that it dominates our mind. A 30-minute walk clears your head, giving you a new lens to view the rejection and the space to think more clearly. You’ll be amazed at how much it can change your perspective.

Next, write it down. After the walk, reflect on what just happened. What did we learn from the rejection? How can we improve for next time? Writing helps us process our thoughts, and before long, we’ll be ready for the next challenge.

Sometimes, we just need to sit with our emotions. Let them come. Let them go. But don’t let them control us. Rejection isn’t the end—it’s a pit stop on the road to success. The goal isn’t to avoid failure—it’s to learn how to handle it better each time.

One of the most powerful lessons I’ve learned, from Million Dollar Weekend by Noah Kagan, is to aim for rejection. Outreaching? Expect rejection. That’s part of the numbers game. So, aim for 20 rejections today. Play the number game and never let it get you down. Keep your energy up, no matter how many "no’s" you get. In some industries, numbers are a fun game to play. And timing will play its role. They might not need us right now, but that doesn’t change our worth.

The whole idea isn’t foreign to many of us: we don’t grow from success. We grow from failure. When we learn how to handle rejection, when we turn it into something better—that’s when we see its true value. Keep going. The best part of failure isn’t the fall—it’s getting back up, improving, iterating, and not making the same mistake over and over again.

Finally, the story we tell ourselves is everything. If we can shift our story from one of defeat to one of growth, rejection won’t hold us back—it will propel us forward. And how strangely life unfolds. 😊